The switch.

It's turned way the fuck off now. I know I'm not supposed to think about it, but god damn, how can I not?

Whoever had propositioned him previously, is a friend from a long time ago. He's seen her since. He says no relations have happened, but it's "none of your fucking business." Which is true. I suppose. But finding out more has made it easier to let go. It wasn't easy to hear. Sure is hell isn't easy to deal with. But he says that nothing has changed, and he still feels like he doesn't know what he wants/needs/himself. If that's the case, why is he establishing something with someone else.

First of all, he says, I don't know what he's dealing with or what's actually going on and he won't be telling me anything else about it.
Second of all, he says, the issues with us are primarily issues I have to deal with in myself. So he can handle exploring whatever this is.
Third of all, he says, this person and him have "something" that we don't. He doesn't know what that means, or what it is, but that's what he has to figure out.

When I found out that they were still in contact and that he was still seeing her, I freaked out. I thought he had to figure out how he felt. He said "what else did you think I meant?" I didn't know. That's why I asked if it was a random thing or a built thing. So if it was built up, I would know that I'm out of the picture. Finding out the truth of all that makes me feel like I'm out of the picture.

Which I should have been thinking anyway. This whole time I've been working on myself I've had it my head that we could still work it out if he could just see. Now I know that was naive of me to believe. There's nothing. He says to not think of it as he met someone else and that's why this is over. He said the feeling he had with her was a wake up call to realize he wasn't happy, and now he has to figure out why. But if he's still pursuing whatever he has with this person, then I feel like it's pretty obvious that I'm the reason he was unhappy. And now that there's a sparkle with someone else, it's simple. He still says it's not that simple, but I think once we no longer live together it will be really simple and he'll forget all about me. "I can't forget about you." Well duh, but you can move on faster with the distraction of someone else dick.

Before I didn't want to jump to my coping mechanism of hate, but now it's hard not to. I feel like crying and that my heart is actually broken. This changes everything for me. There's no more glimmer of hope. There's no more.