I don't know who can see this.

If I know you, and you aren't the one person I gave permission to read this to, then I want you to know something.  This is none of your business. If I don't know you and  this is some random  blog, then I appreciate your interest in my mind barfing. AND If I know you AND you're interested in my mind barfing, please tell me how you found this so I can make sure he doesn't find it... if he already hasn't.

It's not for anyone but me, so keep that in mind when you review my "drivel."

It's fucking not fair. I want to be able to say that we never really gave it a chance because we never said any of this stuff before. And now that it's on the table, you want to fucking quit. Just give up like that, and say forget it, I've hit my wall. You say this isn't easy for you and you wish you could just go with your gut instincts and say everything is going to be ok, and work it out, but oh no! Too many people walk over you that you can't give the woman who gave you some of her best years another chance now that the air is clear?! Fucking really?! I don't know that it would survive, there's a lot of bull shit in the way, and I'm not denying that, but to say that we've given it all we got is just bullshit.

I don't want this, but I have no say in the matter at this point.

I've got a place to go, most of my shit packed (already) and two months to fucking wait it out, take my meds and try not to be angry the whole time. Yesterday was a good day, today isn't bad, but it's weird. There's fucking tension, and I can tell it's on me, but that's ok man, that's just how I feel right now. I can't deny how I feel or be told not to feel a certain way anymore. I can't be told to calm down all the time when something is actually bothering me. I deserve to be heard, AND listened to. I deserve someone who does more than just what he thinks he can handle, and not go out of the box.

I still fucking care too!! God damn it that's annoying. Living with someone when you're no longer together is complete fucking balls. So many mixed emotions, sadness, tears, jealousy, etc. It fucking sucks. It could be a lot worse for sure, so I'm thankful it's not the worst, but it's not great. God Damn It!