The other switch.

I haven't really been receptive lately. I need to remember I'm not the only one dealing with shit. He is too. I feel bad for being such a brat, but now I can show that I'm not that person and start to find myself again. He's got a lot more on his plate than I do. He's not so much a planner, but rather a last minuter. And that's cool for him, but not for me. I'm happy that I have plans. I'm happy I have support and friends and family that care. I'm glad I'm walking on my own and going to therapy and embracing it! My therapist was really happy with how I've utilized my worksheet. He was surprised at how negative it was at first and how I talked myself out of it through writing it out. I'm taking the right steps to get good with myself and set my life up for happiness. I don't need a man, and I don't need anyone but myself. I feel like I've been wanting to start over for a long time, and now's my chance. I'm actually pretty excited about it. I think for a long time I've been unhappy and happiness is out there for me. I think I've driven him away, and it's understandable, it's inevitable for a situation like ours. It's ok. I'm doing alright. I need to stop trying to be so nice to him. He's right, I shouldn't be so accommodating, but I can't help it. I still really care and there's no ulterior motive and we've split. I don't really wanna snuggle him anymore. And I'm ok with not hugging him today. I would rather he reach out if he wants. I'm always going to want to while I'm around him, and I have to control myself. Tomorrow is going to be hard for him, whether he believes that or not. I will be here for him, but it's not going to change anything. Plans have been set into motion. I'm ready to gtfo, regardless if it's Portland or Kent. I'm definitely nervous about what I'm going to do about a living situation in Portland, but I know I can figure it out. At least the first week would be in San Fran, but I'll still be broke as hell. Transitions are difficult, but make you stronger. I'm gonna bounce back so hard from this it's going to be amazing. I can see it now. Even if I don't get that job, which I truly feel for the first time that I've got this, that living with Sara would be a great thing for me too. I'll miss my Tacoma friends, but I'll still get to see them. I know that once I get settled, wherever it may be, I'll feel better about life. I kind of already do.